Dmytro Polovynka

Absurdity of compromises with Russia

Roles:

Russia: We want to destroy Ukraine.

Ukraine: We don’t want to be destroyed, I don’t think there is much place for a compromise.

Peacemaker: Surely, there is a space for a compromise. So, Russia, what do you want exactly?

Ru: First I would like to occupy Ukraine.

Ua: I don’t want to be occupied.

P: Let Russia occupy only half of Ukraine. I think that’s a reasonable compromise.

Ru: Then I want to destroy Ukraine, so it stops existing forever. It’s an anti-Russia project.

Ua: I don’t want to be destroyed.

P: Let Russia destroy only half of the Ukrainian territory they occupy - they can do it with artillery, and half of Ukrainian territory it does not occupy - they can do it with rockets.

Ru: I want Ukrainian language to be forgotten.

Ua: I want to speak my own language.

P: Let Ukrainians forget only half of Ukrainian language. Alternatively - let Ukrainians speak Russian, but with a funny Ukrainian accent. That’s a very reasonable solution.

Ru: I want to kill Ukrainians.

Ua: We don’t want to be killed.

P: Let’s kill only half of Ukrainians - the ones which live on the non-destroyed territory, then Russians can move there. What else?

Ru: NATO no inch eastward, you know?

Ua: We are not in NATO anyway.

P: But that’s a still very reasonable demand.

You know, there is a notion of a private conversation between two guys where USSR was promised NATO would not move an inch eastward, and it trumps all the treaties Russia signed.

I think half of the countries should go out of NATO. Let it be Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Slovakia ans Czechia.

You won’t attack them, Russia, right?

Ru: No, never, I promise. I can even sign yet another paper and this time I will not break it. But what about Hungary?

P: Hush! You need a Trojan horse in NATO.

Ru: Oh, right, thanks.

P: Russia, what about demilitarization and denazification?

Ru: These were bullshit requirements from the beginning. No one even in Russia can explain what these mean. And you believed it, haha.

Ua: We also have some requirements. For example, we want Russia to stop having nukes.

P: How do you dare, Ukraine! Don’t provoke Russia! It’s their nukes and you yourself gave them nukes some time ago. Why should we care about some crazy demands from Ukraine?

Ua: Why do you care about crazy Russian demands?

P: Because war is bad, it’s unclear who started it, things are blurry, and we want to stop it.

Ua: Blurry? Russia invaded Ukraine, how simpler that could be?

P: Ah, Ukraine, you’re so picky. Don’t you want peace? Please shut up.

Photo taken from http://english.news.cn/20220401/3e54295d202548e39d6b60310da6be9f/c.html